What is bitterness? In the context of relationships and dealings with men, what's bitterness? Here is a practical definition of bitterness:

Bitterness is that devilish accumulation of thoughts against somebody, on the basis of what he or she has done to you.

Now, we are going to look into the Bible and see men who walked in bitterness, in order for us to know what bitterness is like. Let's examine the man Cain:

"And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD. 
And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground. 
And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD. 
And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering: 
But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. 
And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen? 
If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him. 
And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him." - Genesis 4 vs 1 - 8 {King James Version}

Clearly, we see that Cain's actions were as a result of a devilish accumulation of thoughts against his brother Abel. Pay attention!

Let's examine the man Saul, king of Israel:

"And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 
And Saul took him that day, and would let him go no more home to his father's house. 
Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. 
And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle. 
And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, and behaved himself wisely: and Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul's servants. 
Saul's Jealousy of David
And it came to pass as they came, when David was returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, that the women came out of all cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet king Saul, with tabrets, with joy, and with instruments of musick. 
And the women answered one another as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands. 
And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom? 
And Saul eyed David from that day and forward. 
And it came to pass on the morrow, that the evil spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied in the midst of the house: and David played with his hand, as at other times: and there was a javelin in Saul's hand. 
And Saul cast the javelin; for he said, I will smite David even to the wall with it. And David avoided out of his presence twice. 
 And Saul was afraid of David, because the LORD was with him, and was departed from Saul. 
Therefore Saul removed him from him, and made him his captain over a thousand; and he went out and came in before the people. 
And David behaved himself wisely in all his ways; and the LORD was with him. 
Wherefore when Saul saw that he behaved himself very wisely, he was afraid of him. 
But all Israel and Judah loved David, because he went out and came in before them. 
David Marries Michal
And Saul said to David, Behold my elder daughter Merab, her will I give thee to wife: only be thou valiant for me, and fight the LORD'S battles. For Saul said, Let not mine hand be upon him, but let the hand of the Philistines be upon him. 
And David said unto Saul, Who am I? and what is my life, or my father's family in Israel, that I should be son in law to the king? 
But it came to pass at the time when Merab Saul's daughter should have been given to David, that she was given unto Adriel the Meholathite to wife. 
And Michal Saul's daughter loved David: and they told Saul, and the thing pleased him. 
And Saul said, I will give him her, that she may be a snare to him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son in law in the one of the twain. 
And Saul commanded his servants, saying, Commune with David secretly, and say, Behold, the king hath delight in thee, and all his servants love thee: now therefore be the king's son in law. 
And Saul's servants spake those words in the ears of David. And David said, Seemeth it to you a light thing to be a king's son in law, seeing that I am a poor man, and lightly esteemed? 
And the servants of Saul told him, saying, On this manner spake David. 
And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. 
And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king's son in law: and the days were not expired. 
Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife. 
And Saul saw and knew that the LORD was with David, and that Michal Saul's daughter loved him. 
And Saul was yet the more afraid of David; and Saul became David's enemy continually." - 1 Samuel 18 vs 1 - 29 {King James Version}

Again, we see a devilish accumulation of thoughts on display—leading to hurtful actions against another.

Please, do well to read the Bible passages to the end though they might be long reads. Having knowledge of the stories is very good for your understanding. Okay let's continue.

Let's examine the man Absalom:

"And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. 
And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her. 
But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother: and Jonadab was a very subtil man. 
And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king's son, lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister. 
And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand. 
So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat at her hand. 
Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother Amnon's house, and dress him meat. 
So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house; and he was laid down. And she took flour, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and did bake the cakes. 
And she took a pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, Have out all men from me. And they went out every man from him. 
And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber, that I may eat of thine hand. And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 
And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister. 
And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly. 
And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee. 
Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. 
Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone. 
And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her. 
Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her. 
And she had a garment of divers colours upon her: for with such robes were the king's daughters that were virgins apparelled. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her. 
And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying. 
And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house. 
But when king David heard of all these things, he was very wroth. 
And Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon neither good nor bad: for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar. 
Absalom Murders Amnon
And it came to pass after two full years, that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baalhazor, which is beside Ephraim: and Absalom invited all the king's sons. 
And Absalom came to the king, and said, Behold now, thy servant hath sheepshearers; let the king, I beseech thee, and his servants go with thy servant. 
And the king said to Absalom, Nay, my son, let us not all now go, lest we be chargeable unto thee. And he pressed him: howbeit he would not go, but blessed him. 
Then said Absalom, If not, I pray thee, let my brother Amnon go with us. And the king said unto him, Why should he go with thee? 
But Absalom pressed him, that he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with him. 
Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, Mark ye now when Amnon's heart is merry with wine, and when I say unto you, Smite Amnon; then kill him, fear not: have not I commanded you? be courageous, and be valiant. 
And the servants of Absalom did unto Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king's sons arose, and every man gat him up upon his mule, and fled. 
And it came to pass, while they were in the way, that tidings came to David, saying, Absalom hath slain all the king's sons, and there is not one of them left. 
Then the king arose, and tare his garments, and lay on the earth; and all his servants stood by with their clothes rent. 
And Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother, answered and said, Let not my lord suppose that they have slain all the young men the king's sons; for Amnon only is dead: for by the appointment of Absalom this hath been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar." - 2 Samuel 13 vs 1 - 32 {King James Version}

devilish accumulation of thoughts! Did you notice verse 32? See it:

"And Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother, answered and said, Let not my lord suppose that they have slain all the young men the king's sons; for Amnon only is dead: for by the appointment of Absalom this hath been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar."

  • this hath been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar

Just think about that! This is exactly what bitterness looks like. Verse 23 of this passage shows us that Absalom kept this matter in his heart for two (2) full years. Two years! Now that's bitterness! Absalom plotted the death of the young man for two years! Uhmmm.

Waow! Friends, this is what bitterness looks like, as we've seen in these three (3) case studies. Now, let me explain anger and bitterness to you—anger and bitterness are not the same:

Anger is an expression of displeasure; Bitterness is a retention of displeasure, like we saw in the case of Absalom and the other guys we examined. Absalom kept that matter in his heart for years, two (2) full years; he retained his displeasure concerning what Amnon did to his sister, he kept the displeasure in his heart for years.

"And Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother, answered and said, Let not my lord suppose that they have slain all the young men the king's sons; for Amnon only is dead: for by the appointment of Absalom this hath been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar." - 2 Samuel 13 vs 32 {KJV}

  • this hath been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar

You see... When it's anger, you are expressing it; when it's bitterness, you are retaining it. And both are always as a result of what someone has done. Now, the retainment of displeasure or offence is where bitterness becomes ungodly. Anger in itself is not ungodly; it is not ungodly to be angry, anger is simply an expression of displeasure.

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 
Neither give place to the devil." - Ephesians 4 vs 26 - 27 {King James Version}

Firstly, the Apostle acknowledges that anger in itself isn't wrong stuff! Hence, you can be angry—you can express your displeasure over a wrong suffered. But the Apostle gives a caution, he said "let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil." What is he cautioning us about? He's cautioning us about bitterness! Because, allowing your anger to linger on till the going down of the sun implies that someone is retaining offence, which breeds bitterness in the heart of a person. So in other words, Paul is saying here to us, "Be angry, express your displeasure about that ill-treatment or disrespect, but shun bitterness against the fellow. He said "neither give place to the devil"—bitterness in the heart is how a man gives place to the devil to carry out evil works through him, like we saw in Cain, Saul, and Absalom. - Think about it.

So, leave your anger as anger, and let it quench that way—don't let your anger graduate into retained offence which leads to bitterness, and ultimately, evil works.

Now, having known and understood what bitterness is, What's the cure for bitterness? Well, the Lord Jesus gave us the cure for bitterness. Let's take a look at it:

'But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you...' - Matthew 5 vs 44 {KJV}

  • pray for them which despitefully use you

'Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.' - Luke 6 vs 28 {KJV}

  • pray for them which despitefully use you

The Spirit of God said to me, "When you pray for your enemies—those who have wronged you, those who have offended you, those who have caused you pain, that's the easiest way to release them in your heart and truly forgive them." Waow!

There are people who have the thought to forgive someone who have wronged them, they truly want to forgive, but they don't know how to just make it happen! Maybe that is you reading this article right now; what you have to do is follow the counsel of the Holy Spirit which I pointed out above, start praying for that person! As you pray sincerely for that person, the grief and grudge that is in your heart towards him or her will be lifted and the person will be released in your heart. You will just know it! You will know that forgiveness has taken place within you. Glory to God!

So you see, when the Lord asked us to pray for our offenders, He was actually giving us help! He knew exactly what offence can do in a man, He knew exactly how offence can take a man captive, and He gave us the fastest and easiest remedy to release us from such captivity, He said "Pray for them!"

I believe this word is for you. Pray for that brother, pray for that sister; sincerely bless him or her in your prayer. As you do so, you allow the love of God fill your heart, and suddenly you're free from the grudge and bitterness you've had against that fellow. Glory to God. Thank you Lord Jesus.

Know this, You cannot hold a grudge or bitterness against someone you're praying for. It's impossible. You see...

This is the will of God for His children, that we love men even as He has loved us.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.

Jenning Uweye
Teacher,
Global Bible Study Community

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